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1. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the

3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be
afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move
and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.